Basic Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Five Traits Children Must Develop in Order to Succeed in Life
Aug 27, 2009
In his groundbreaking work on Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman (1996) identified five characteristics, which more than general intelligence or IQ, predict a person’s eventual success in life. These traits (self-awareness, mood management, motivation, empathy, and social skills) can be fostered in preschoolers and taught in classrooms, making them a powerful set of strategies for parents and teachers to model and emphasize when working with children.
Self-Awareness
Self-aware children are able to acknowledge their feelings, while they control their emotions and respond appropriately. From adult modeling, children learn to identify when they are feeling “grateful”, “excited”, “confused”, “disappointed” or “angry”, rather than just “good” or “bad”. By giving children the specific words they need to identify their feelings and to discuss what is making them feel that way, parents and teachers can help diffuse overwhelming emotions before they become a problem.
Mood Management
Once feelings are identified, children should learn appropriate responses to the situations that cause them. For example, children who recognize when fatigue is contributing to their frustration over not being able to complete a task, will understand that an appropriate response would be to set the task aside and return to it when they are better rested. Helping children learn constructive responses to negative feelings will help them develop and maintain stronger relationships with others.
Motivation
Young children can learn as they develop self-awareness how rewarding it is to work hard for something and then to receive it, or to not understand something, but by not giving up, to eventually learn it. Avoiding extrinsic rewards such as candy or toys for personal and academic accomplishments, while focusing on and discussing on how good the child feels when accomplishing something, helps children develop the intrinsic motivation and persistence they’ll need as adults.
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others, and empathetic children will often seek to do good for others out of genuine compassion for their situations. Empathy also allows a person to step aside from a conflict and see the problem from another point of view. Parents and teachers should use social situations from TV or real life to discuss what others are feeling, and provide opportunities to help others whenever possible.
Social Skills
Social skills include listening attentively, making eye contact, reading facial cues, sharing, taking turns, compromising, cooperating, making appropriate jokes, being able to disagree without becoming angry, and many others. Parents and teachers model these things naturally, but sometimes more direct instruction is needed. Parents can offer specific suggestions of ways to behave or things to say in certain situations, and teachers can build socialization into the instructional day by using cooperative learning with their curriculum.
Emotional intelligence is the facet of overall ability that often separates those who reach their full potential in life, and those who don’t. By fostering these character traits in young children, and then reinforcing them in the classroom, parents and teachers can ensure that all children are equipped with the skills they need to navigate their personal and professional realms as adults.
Further Reading
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (10th Anniversary Edition). New York: Bantam, 2006.
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