Your Child's Imaginary Friends
Does Your Little Boy or Girl Talk to People Who Are Not There?
Mar 27, 2008
Over half of all children have imaginary friends at some point, and these friendships can develop and extend beyond the preschool years. Creating imaginary playmates does not reflect developmental problems. This was "old' thinking and not how such friends are viewed today.
What Do Imaginary Friends Look Like?
Imaginary friends can take various forms with some children projecting humanlike qualities to physical toys and others having invisible playmates. Furthermore, your son’s imaginary friend may be human in form or can be an animal, supernatural being, or have a unique form more akin to science fiction characters.
Boys Versus Girls
During the preschool years, little boys are more likely to take on alternate identities while little girls develop imaginary friends with separate identities. For instance, your son may put on a cape and become another person while little girls of the same age are more likely to create a more traditional imaginary friend for companionship. By the age of 7 or 8, little boys are just as likely to have imaginary friends and to interact with these friends as little girls.
Functions of Made Up Friends
Imaginary identities and friends can serve various functions. Your son may take on the persona of a superhero and save the world. He is learning empathy as well as testing out his maleness. If your son is an only child, an imaginary friend provides companionship. He may have a cooperative imaginary playmate or an antagonist. In either case, he practices interactional skills and problem solving. Sometimes imaginary friends become convenient scapegoats. For example, your son may tell you that his friend did things that are off limits. The friend broke your vase or had an accident on the carpet.
Humor Your Kid
It is fine for you to play along with your son’s desire to have an imaginary companion. In fact, he will enjoy it when you join in and enjoy his pretend world. If you become too immersed in this alternate reality, your son may even prompt you that the friend is “not real.” Although your son may relate to an imaginary friend in very real ways, he has some understanding, even from a very young age, that some things are real and others are pretend.
Where Did He/She Go?
Imaginary friends generally disappear as your son becomes more involved with other children and as his schedule gets busier. Some imaginary friends are dramatically eliminated in pretend scenarios. Your son may tell you, for instance, that his friend was run over by a bus or was shot by a bad guy. More often imaginary friends just gradually fade away.
Don't Stress The Small Stuff Like Invisible Buddies
Imaginary friends seem to play an important role for some boys in terms of cognitive and emotional development. Boys (and girls) find comfort in having a pretend friend and use these friends to practice social skills. Other little boys do not engage in imaginary friend play, and this is also normal. Your son may meet his social needs in other ways, so the lack of imaginary friends is not a cause for concern.
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